Joke Of The Day!!!!!

[Granny]

One day while he was at the track betting on the ponies and nearly losing his shirt, Mitch noticed a priest who stepped out onto the track and blessed the forehead of one of the horses lining up for the 4th race.
Lo and behold, that horse -- a very long shot -- won the race.
Mitch was most interested to see what the priest did the next race. Sure enough, the priest stepped out onto the track as the 5th race horses
lined up, and placed a blessing on the forehead of one of the horses.
Mitch made a beeline for the window and placed a small bet on the horse.
Again, even though it was another long shot, the horse the priest had blessed won the race.
Mitch collected his winnings and anxiously waited to see which horse the priest would bless for the 6th race.
The priest showed, blessed a horse, Mitch bet on it, and it won!
Mitch was elated! As the day went on, the priest continued blessing horses, and they always came in first.
Mitch began to pull in some serious money, and by the last race, he knew his wildest dreams were going to come true. He made a quick stop at the ATM, withdrew his savings, and awaited the priest's blessing that would
tell him which horse to bet on.
True to his pattern, the priest stepped out onto the track before the last race and blessed the forehead, eyes, ears, and hooves of one of the horses.
Mitch bet every cent, and watched the horse come in dead last. Mitch was
dumbfounded. He made his way to the track, and when he found the priest, he demanded, "What happened, Father? All day long you blessed horses and they won. The last race, you blessed a horse and he lost. Now, thanks to you, I've lost all my savings!!"
The priest nodded wisely and said, "That's the problem with Protestants--you can't tell the difference between a simple blessing and the Last Rites!"

[OnieRN]

Giggle

Very cute Granny!

[NanaC95565]

Rofl

That is toooo funny Granny Thanks for sharing.

[mswizard]

Thanks!

HAHAHAHA..Guess I'll watch closer next time I see a Priest blessing any horses I decide to bet on!

[Granny]

Ah, ladies (and I use the term loosely!), thanks for the comments, but you're suppossed to be posting jokes!

This is our new, Joke of the Day threat!!!

[Marion]

Love it Granny, I will have to search my archives...

[Marion]

Outhouse

"Outhouse"

Ma was in the kitchen fiddling around when she hollers out....
"Pa, You need to go out and fix the outhouse!"

Pa replies, "There ain't nuthin wrong with the outhouse."

Ma yells back, "Yes there is, now git out there and fix it."

So.......Pa mosies out to the outhouse, looks around and yells back,
"Ma There ain't nuthin wrong with the outhouse! "

Ma replies, "Stick yur head in the hole!"

Pa yells back, "I ain't stickin my head in that hole!"

Ma says, "Ya have to stick yur head in the hole to see what to fix."

So with that, Pa sticks his head in the hole,
looks around and yells back,
"Ma There ain't nuthin wrong with this outhouse!"

Ma hollers back, "Now take your head out of the hole!"

Pa proceeds to pull his head out of the hole, then starts yelling,
"Ma Help! My beard is stuck in the cracks in the toilet seat!"

To which Ma replies, "Hurt's, don't it ?!"

[mswizard]

hehehe thought this was cute!

Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment
community.
The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma
complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.

Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities
turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack,
the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain
Crunch. The grave site was piled high with flours.

Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man
who never knew how much he was kneaded. Doughboy rose quickly in show
business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not
considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked
schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times he still was a crusty old
man and was considered a positive roll model for millions.

Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough, two children, John Dough and
Jane Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his
elderly father, Pop Tart.

The funeral was held at 350 for about 20 minutes.

If this made you smile for even a brief second, please rise to the
occasion and take the time to pass it on and share that smile with someone
else who may be having a crumby day and kneads it.

[pkdoll]

Marion that was way too funny! (OUCH!)

Each Friday night after work, Bubba would fire up his outdoor grill and cook venison steak. But all of Bubba's neighbors were Catholic, and since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating red meat on Friday.

The delicious aroma from the grilled venison steaks was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their priest.

The priest came to visit Bubba and suggested that he become a Catholic.

After several classes and much study, Bubba attended Mass. The priest sprinkled holy water over him and said, "You were born a Baptist and raised as a Baptist, but now you are Catholic."

Bubba's neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived and the wonderful aroma of grilled venison filled the neighborhood. The priest was called immediately by the neighbors.

As the priest rushed into Bubba's yard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped and watched in amazement.

There stood Bubba, clutching a small bottle of holy water, which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meat while chanting, "You wuz born a deer, you wuz raised a deer, but now you are a catfish."

[sacannon]

Loved all of these!

[mswizard]

Hahahahahahahahaha!

I can't laughing at that one Marion! I gotta tell my mom! so she can tell all the nurses at the Oncology center tomorrow afternoon! ohhhhh my ribs hurt!

[Marion]

I love our newe joke corner!!!

[Granny]

Yeahhhhhhhhh!!!! The gang strikes again. Love them all! Thank you for rising to the occasion!

[pkdoll]

Too funny!

I found a great site called Women's Funny Videos (www.womensfunnyvideos.com) It has a lot of good stuff. Here is a page from this site that I thought you would enjoy.

The address is:

http://www.womensfunnyvideos.com/videos/WhoLetTheDogsOut.htm

Paula

[mswizard]

Kinda fits right now lol

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She
noticed the man opposite

her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to
another seat.

This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved
again.

The man seemed more amused. When on the fourth move,
the man burst out laughing,

she complained to the driver and he had the man
arrested.

The case came up in court.

The judge asked the man (about 20 Years old)what he
had to say for himself.

The man replied,

"Well your Honor, it was like this:


When the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but
notice her condition.

She sat under a sweets sign that said, "The Double
Mint Twins are coming" and I grinned.


Then she moved and sat under a sign that said,

"Logan's Liniment will reduce the swelling", and I had
to smile.

Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that
said,

"William's Big Stick Did the Trick", and I could
hardly contain myself.

BUT, your Honor, when she moved the fourth time and
sat

under a sign that said, "Goodyear Rubber could have
prevented this Accident."

I just lost it."


>"CASE DISMISSED"