There needs to be a tee shirt shop in Scrapsville
My BUDDIES Crops, Eye, Jazz, Smile, Sue, Rosana,twpclerk, Moonlightpearl and Vanessa
My sister sent me this in an email tonight and I am still laughing my socks off now. Please bear with me though as I have to do some censoring. Please do not take offence Steve and Pops, I am sure you guys do not fall into this generalisation.
Q. Why do men become smarter during adult bedroom playtime?
A. Because they are plugged into a genius.
Q. Why don't women blink when engaging in adult bedroom activities?
A. Because they don't have enough time to.
Q. Why does it take one million sperm to fertilise one egg?
A. Because they don't stop to ask for directions.
Q. Why did the almighty make men before women?
A. Because you always need to have a rough draft before making the final copy.
Q. How many men does it take to put the toilet seat down?
A. Dunno, it's never happened before.
(Except in my house. I think I have the only house/toilet trained man in creation)
By now all you guys out there are going to be feeling fairly picked upon, but you have to remember we always laugh at your blonde jokes.
Q. Why did god put men on earth?
A. Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn.
Q. What do you call an intelligent, good looking sensitive man?
A. A rumour
A woman's prayer.
"Dear Lord, I pray for the wisdom to understand my man, Love to forgive him and patience for his moods. Because Lord, if I pray for strength, I'll beat him to death."
Q. Why do little boys whine?
A. Because they are practising to be men.
Q. How do you keep your husband from reading your email?
A. Rename the folder "Instruction Manual".
CRABBY OLD MAN
When an old man died in the geriatric ward of a small hospital near Tampa, Florida, it was believed that he had nothing left of any value. Later, when the nurses were going through his meager possessions, they found this poem. Its quality and content so impressed the staff that copies were made and distributed to every nurse in the hospital.
Crabby Old Man
What do you see nurses?....What do you see?
What are you thinking......when you're looking at me?
A crabby old man, not very wise,
Uncertain of habit......with faraway eyes?
Who dribbles his food.......and makes no reply
When you say in a loud voice..'I do wish you'd try!'
Who seems not to notice the things that you do.
And forever is losing..............A sock or shoe?
Who, resisting or not... ........lets you do as you will,
With bathing and feeding.......The long day to fill?
Is that what you're thinking?
Is that what you see?
Then open your eyes nurse
You're not looking at me.
I'll tell you who I am........As I sit here so still,
As I do at your bidding,.....as I eat at your will.
I'm a small child of Ten..with a father and mother,
Brothers and sisters...... ...who love one another
A young boy of Sixteen.....with wings on his feet
Dreaming that soon now.........a lover he'll meet.
A groom soon at Twenty.......my heart gives a leap.
Remembering, the vows......that I promised to keep.
At Twenty-Five, now........I have young of my own.
Who need me to guide, And a secure happy home.
A man of Thirty.....My young now grown fast,
Bound to each other.......With ties that should last.
Forty, my young sons and daughters.....have grown and are gone,
But my woman's beside me......to see I don't mourn.
At Fifty, once more,.....Babies play 'round my knee ,
Again, we know children.....My loved one and me.
Dark days are upon me..........My wife is now dead.
I look at the future.............I shudder with dread.
For my young are all rearing.....young of their own.
And I think of the years....
And the love that I've known.
I'm now an old man.........and nature is cruel.
Tis jest to make old age.....look like a fool.
The body, it crumbles..........grace and vigor, depart.
There is now a stone........where I once had a heart.
But inside this old carcass......
A young guy still dwells,
And now and again.........my battered heart swells.
I remember the joys..............I remember the pain.
And I'm loving and living.............life over again.
I think of the years... ..all too few......gone too fast.
And accept the stark fact........that nothing can last.
So open your eyes, people..........open and see.
Not a crabby old man. Look closer....see........ME!!
Remember this poem when you next meet an older person who you might brush aside without looking at the young soul within
I have had an exact copy of this for many years, but it was a old woman from England! But I have learned a lot from it and I always keep it in mind.
Someday I may be a crabby old woman NOT!
Johnny's Mother looked out the window and noticed
him playing church with their cat. He had the cat
sitting quietly and he was preaching to it. She smiled
and went about her work.
A while later, she heard loud meowing and hissing and
ran back to the open window to see Johnny baptizing the
cat in a tub of water.
She called out, 'Johnny, stop that! The cat is afraid of water!'
Johnny looked up at her and said ,
'He should have thought about that before he joined my church.'