Joke Of The Day!!!!!

[Granny]

Karz... confounded woman, learn how to count... those were three jokes, not two!

Mzwizard.... Yes, please, I need to order several cases. Maybe Cannon can carry them full time in her store?



ps: Folks... Just a thought, this is an open forum and there are young ones that visit this place as well as very conservative oldies. For their sakes, could be keep the jokes squaky clean, and pg rated? Thank you. I know you all mean well and have not thought of this, but it may be worth keeping in mind? Hope you don't mind we asking?

[mswizard]

We need to keep it clean...as possible.


A family took their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home
and left her, hoping she would be well cared for.
The next morning, the nurses bathed her, fed her a
tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a
window overlooking a lovely flower garden.



She seemed okay, but after a while she slowly
started to tilt sideways in her chair. Two attentive
nurses immediately rushed up to
catch her and straighten her up.
Again she seemed okay, but after a while she slowly
started to tilt over to her other side. The nurses
rushed back and once more brought her
back upright. This went on all morning.




Later, the family arrived to see how the old
woman was adjusting to her new home.
"So Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you all right?"
"It's pretty nice," she replied.
"Except they won't let me fart."

[Kazr]

Haha,enjoying these immenselySo pleased you are enjoying my jokes & my warped sense of humour

Granny,
Sorry about *the couple* comment, I just couldn't help myself when I found the Golf one LOL..
Also trying to find *clean*jokes & most of mine are slightly tainted with innuendo,so will have to go looking again

Heres a little one for you all

Senators WILLIAM B. SPONG of Virginia and HIRAM FONG of Hawaii sponsored
a Bill recommending the mass ringing of church bells to welcome the arrival
in Hong Kong of the US table tennis team, after it's tour of Communist China.
The Bill failed to pass,cheating the Senate out of passing the Spong-Fong Hong Kong Ping Pong Ding Dong Bell Bill.

[mswizard]

A six-year-old boy told his father he wanted to marry the little girl
across the street.

The father, being modern and well schooled in handling children, hid
his smile behind his hand. "That's a serious step," he said. "Have you
thought it out completely?"

"Yes," his young son answered. "We can spend one week in my room and
the next in hers. It's right across the street, so I can run home if I
get scared of the dark."

"How about transportation?" the father asked.

"I have my wagon, and we both have our tricycles," the little boy
answered.

The boy had an answer to every question the father raised.

Finally, in exasperation, his dad asked, "What about babies? When
you're married, you're liable to have babies, you know."

"We've thought about that, too," the little boy replied. "We're not
going to have babies. Every time she lays an egg, I'm going to step
on it!"

[Granny]

Ah, girls, you are good sports, thank you! And your jokes are hilarious!!!



In most of the United States , there is a policy of checking on any stalled vehicle on the highway when the temperatures drop to single digits or below. About 3 AM, one very cold morning, Trooper Allan Nixon #658 responded to a call there was a car off the shoulder of the road outside Shattuck. He located the car, stuck in deep snow, and with the engine still running. Pulling in behind the car with his emergency lights on, the Trooper walked to the driver's door to find an older man passed out behind the wheel with a nearly empty vodka bottle on he seat beside him.


The driver came awake when the Trooper tapped on the window. Seeing the rotating lights in his rearview mirror, and the State Trooper standing next to his car, the man panicked. He jerked the gearshift into 'drive' and hit the gas. The car's speedometer was showing 20-30-40 and then 50 mph, but it was still stuck in the snow, wheels spinning.

Trooper Nixon, having a sense of humor, began running in place next to the speeding (but stationary) car. The driver was totally freaked, thinking the Trooper was actually keeping up with him. This goes on for about 30 seconds, then the Trooper yelled, "Pull over!"

The man nodded, turned his wheel, and stopped the engine.

Needless to say, the man from Dumas, Texas was arrested, and is
probably still shaking his head over the State Trooper in Oklahoma who could run 50
miles per hour.

Who says Troopers don't have a sense of humor?

[makeyesup]

Granny,

Thanks for the trooper joke. That one gave me a good belly laugh.

[*eng*]

A six-year-old boy told his father he wanted to marry the little girl
across the street.

The father, being modern and well schooled in handling children, hid
his smile behind his hand. "That's a serious step," he said. "Have you
thought it out completely?"

"Yes," his young son answered. "We can spend one week in my room and
the next in hers. It's right across the street, so I can run home if I
get scared of the dark."

"How about transportation?" the father asked.

"I have my wagon, and we both have our tricycles," the little boy
answered.

The boy had an answer to every question the father raised.

Finally, in exasperation, his dad asked, "What about babies? When
you're married, you're liable to have babies, you know."

"We've thought about that, too," the little boy replied. "We're not
going to have babies. Every time she lays an egg, I'm going to step
on it!"

[*eng*]

Ah, girls, you are good sports, thank you! And your jokes are hilarious!!!



In most of the United States , there is a policy of checking on any stalled vehicle on the highway when the temperatures drop to single digits or below. About 3 AM, one very cold morning, Trooper Allan Nixon #658 responded to a call there was a car off the shoulder of the road outside Shattuck. He located the car, stuck in deep snow, and with the engine still running. Pulling in behind the car with his emergency lights on, the Trooper walked to the driver's door to find an older man passed out behind the wheel with a nearly empty vodka bottle on he seat beside him.


The driver came awake when the Trooper tapped on the window. Seeing the rotating lights in his rearview mirror, and the State Trooper standing next to his car, the man panicked. He jerked the gearshift into 'drive' and hit the gas. The car's speedometer was showing 20-30-40 and then 50 mph, but it was still stuck in the snow, wheels spinning.

Trooper Nixon, having a sense of humor, began running in place next to the speeding (but stationary) car. The driver was totally freaked, thinking the Trooper was actually keeping up with him. This goes on for about 30 seconds, then the Trooper yelled, "Pull over!"

The man nodded, turned his wheel, and stopped the engine.

Needless to say, the man from Dumas, Texas was arrested, and is
probably still shaking his head over the State Trooper in Oklahoma who could run 50
miles per hour.

Who says Troopers don't have a sense of humor?

[Granny]

The sermon this Sunday morning at the local church will be...

"Jesus walks on water".

The sermon this Sunday evening wil be....

"Looking for Jesus".

[Kazr]

Three comedians are shooting the breeze at the back
of a nightclub after a late gig. They’ve heard one another's
’material so much, they’ve reached the point where
they don’t need to say the jokes anymore to amuse
each other – they just need to refer to each joke by a
number. "Number 37!" cracks the first comic, and the
others break up. ""Number 53!" says the second guy,
and they howl. Finally, it’s the third comic’s turn. "44!"
he quips. He gets nothing. Crickeys. "What?" he asks,
"Isn’t 44 funny?" "Sure, it’s usually hilarious,"
they answer. "But the way you tell it…"