Joke Of The Day!!!!!

[Marion]

TEACHER : Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we
didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE : Me!

[Marion]

TEACHER : Millie, give me a sentence starting with "I."
MILLIE : I is...
TEACHER : No, Millie..... Always say, "I am."
MILLIE : All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."

[Marion]

TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry
tree, but also admitted doing it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father
didn't punish him?"
LOUIS : Because George still had the ax in his hand.

[Marion]

TEACHER : Clyde , your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as
your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, teacher, it's the same dog!;

[Marion]

TEACHER : Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON : No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook..

[Vanessa]

TEACHER : Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON : No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook..

These are brilliant Marion, thank you.

[Granny]

Marion, you're the best. I love them!!! Now, if my teachers would have only given me the same questions!!!

[Vanessa]

Good Grief, it is ages since anyone posted in here.

Don't you girls need a little good cheer of a day. A little laugh, a chuckle even, makes the day so much brighter, even if only for a moment. It also helps to keep the frown lines at bay or so my mother always told me.

I found this while looking for sayings on the net. It comes from Scrapsayings.com, but there is no credit attached, so I don't know who wrote it.

I'm so excited with this one,” said God. “Can you believe what women can do:
Women have to be completely washable, but not plastic, have over 200 movable parts,
most replaceable and able to run on diet coke and leftovers.
They have a lap that can hold four children at one time and do everything with only two hands.
They can work 18 hour days juggling work and home.
They are able to think, reason, and negotiate.
They smile when they want to scream.
They sing when they want to cry.
They cry when they are happy and laugh when they are nervous.
They fight for what they believe in.
They stand up to injustice.
They don't take "no" for an answer when they believe there is a better solution.
They go without so their family can have.
They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.
They love unconditionally.
They cry when their children excel and cheer when their friends get awards.
They are happy when they hear about a birth or a wedding.
Their hearts break when a friend dies.
They grieve at the loss of a family member, yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left.
They know that a hug and a kiss can heal a scraped knee and broken heart.
They heal themselves when they are sick or sad
Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors.
They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you to show how much they care about you.
The heart of a woman is what makes the world keep turning.
They bring joy, hope and love.
They have compassion and ideals.
They give moral support to their family and friends.
Women have vital things to say and everything to give.
HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN WOMEN, IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR SELF WORTH.”

[Vanessa]

Found this one too and I think it is really good.

• A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE... a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra.A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE... one friend who always makes her Laugh...And one who lets her cry.
  A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE... a good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family.
  A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE... eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems,And a recipe for a meal that will make her guests feel honored.
  A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE... a feeling of control over her destiny...
  EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... how to fall in love without losing herself...
  EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... how to quit a job, break up with a lover, and confront a friend without ruining the friendship.
  EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... when to try harder... and WHEN TO WALK AWAY.
  EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... that she can't change the length of her calves, the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents!
  EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... that her childhood may not have been perfect but its over...
  EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... what she would and wouldn't do for love or more...
  EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... how to live alone...even if she doesn't like it...
  EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... whom she can trust, whom she can't, and why she shouldn't take it personally...
  EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... where to go...be it to her best friend's kitchen table..or a charming inn in the woods...when her soul needs soothing...
  EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... what she can and can't accomplish In a day...a month...and a year...
  --Pamela Redmond Satran and was published in Glamour magazine in May, 1997.

[fourfoxes]

I love it!