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  1. #21
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Location
    Houston, Texas
    Posts
    651

    Default

    Oh, laughing is good for the soul and I sure laughed alot with these! Laughing is a great stress reliever! Thanks guys!

  2. #22
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Location
    Glenfield NY
    Posts
    1,234

    Talking New One

    Alice and Frank are Bungee-jumping one day. Alice says to Frank, you know, we could make a lot of money running our own Bungee-jumping service in Mexico."

    Frank thinks this is a great idea, so they pool their money and buy everything they'll need; a tower, an elastic cord, insurance, etc. They travel to Mexico and begin to set up on the square. As they are constructing the tower, a crowd begins to assemble. Slowly, more and more people gather to watch them at work. When they had finished, there was such a crowd they thought it would be a good idea to give a demonstration.

    So, Alice jumps. She bounces at the end of the cord, but when she comes back up, Frank notices that she has a few cuts and scratches. Unfortunately, Frank isn't able to catch her and she falls again, bounces and comes back up again.

    This time, she is bruised and bleeding.

    Again, Frank misses her. Alice falls again and bounces back up. This time she comes back pretty messed up -- she's got a couple of broken bones and is almost unconscious. Luckily, Frank finally catches her this time and says, "What happened? Was the cord too long?"

    Barely able to speak, Alice gasps, "No, the Bungee cord was fine...It was the crowd. What the hell is a pinata?!"

  3. #23
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Location
    California
    Posts
    6,406

    Default

    Why females should avoid a girls night out after they are married!..


    The other night I was invited out for a night with "the girls." I told
    my husband that I would be home by midnight, "I promise!"

    Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easy.

    Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the
    door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times.
    Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another
    9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a
    quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him.
    (Even when totally smashed...3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos
    = MIDNITE!)


    The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, and I told him
    "Midnight". He didn't seem pissed off at all. Whew! Got away with that
    one! Then he said, "We need a new cuckoo clock."

    When I asked him why?, he said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed
    three times, then said, "Oh shoot.", cuckooed 4 more times, cleared it's
    throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then
    tripped over the coffee table and farted."


    Marion , Steve, Moonbeam, Ladybug, Wolvsie, Fourfoxes, Vanessa, PinkLollipop and Winnie49 are my buddies!!!

    Please visit my Max Store


  4. #24
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    Brazile
    Posts
    2,337

    Thumbs up You Wise Person !!!!

    Scientific uselessness....

    If you to be crying out per 8 years, 7 months and five days, it will have produced energy sonorous enough to heat a CUP of coffee.

    The human heart produces pressure enough to gush out the blood for is of the body to a distance of 10 meters.

    (Uau)

    A cockroach can survive 9 days without its head until dying of hunger.


    To beat its head against the wall continuously spends on average 150 calories for the moment.

    (It does not try this in house; perhaps in the work)
    The flea can jump up to 350 times the length of the proper body. He is as if a man jumped in the distance of a soccer field .

    The FISH catfish has gustativas 27 000 more than papilas.

    (What it is that can have of so flavorful in the deep one of a river)


    The butterflies feel the taste with the feet.

    (This I always wanted to know)

    The muscle strongest of the body is the language.

    (Hmmmmmmmm…)

    Dexterous people live 9 years on average more than what the left-handed people.

    (And if the person will be ambidextrous)

    Elephants are the only animals that do not obtain to jump.

    (And it is better that it is thus)

    Piss of the cats shines when displayed to the black light.

    (And somebody was paid to discover this)

    The eye of an ostrich is bigger of what its brain.

    (I know people thus)

    Star-of - sea does not have brains.

    (I know people thus also)

    Polar bears are left-handed.

    (If they to start to use the other side, will live more)
    Last edited by rosana brito; 04-05-2007 at 10:48 AM.

  5. #25
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Location
    Luton, Bedfordshire, England
    Posts
    9,461

    Default

    Granny...excellent ....sweet too
    My BUDDIES Crops, Eye, Jazz, Smile, Sue, Rosana,twpclerk, Moonlightpearl and Vanessa

  6. #26
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Location
    Luton, Bedfordshire, England
    Posts
    9,461

    Default

    Marion...loved that one...getting your own back hehe
    My BUDDIES Crops, Eye, Jazz, Smile, Sue, Rosana,twpclerk, Moonlightpearl and Vanessa

  7. #27
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Location
    Luton, Bedfordshire, England
    Posts
    9,461

    Default

    Wow these are all great ...keep them coming..didn't realise there were so many!
    My BUDDIES Crops, Eye, Jazz, Smile, Sue, Rosana,twpclerk, Moonlightpearl and Vanessa

  8. #28
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    Wisconsin USA
    Posts
    6,454

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by mswizard View Post
    Alice and Frank are Bungee-jumping one day. Alice says to Frank, you know, we could make a lot of money running our own Bungee-jumping service in Mexico."

    Frank thinks this is a great idea, so they pool their money and buy everything they'll need; a tower, an elastic cord, insurance, etc. They travel to Mexico and begin to set up on the square. As they are constructing the tower, a crowd begins to assemble. Slowly, more and more people gather to watch them at work. When they had finished, there was such a crowd they thought it would be a good idea to give a demonstration.

    So, Alice jumps. She bounces at the end of the cord, but when she comes back up, Frank notices that she has a few cuts and scratches. Unfortunately, Frank isn't able to catch her and she falls again, bounces and comes back up again.

    This time, she is bruised and bleeding.

    Again, Frank misses her. Alice falls again and bounces back up. This time she comes back pretty messed up -- she's got a couple of broken bones and is almost unconscious. Luckily, Frank finally catches her this time and says, "What happened? Was the cord too long?"

    Barely able to speak, Alice gasps, "No, the Bungee cord was fine...It was the crowd. What the hell is a pinata?!"
    Love it!!!!

  9. #29
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    Wisconsin USA
    Posts
    6,454

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by rosana brito View Post
    Scientific uselessness....

    If you to be crying out per 8 years, 7 months and five days, it will have produced energy sonorous enough to heat a CUP of coffee.

    The human heart produces pressure enough to gush out the blood for is of the body to a distance of 10 meters.

    (Uau)

    A cockroach can survive 9 days without its head until dying of hunger.


    To beat its head against the wall continuously spends on average 150 calories for the moment.

    (It does not try this in house; perhaps in the work)
    The flea can jump up to 350 times the length of the proper body. He is as if a man jumped in the distance of a soccer field .

    The FISH catfish has gustativas 27 000 more than papilas.

    (What it is that can have of so flavorful in the deep one of a river)


    The butterflies feel the taste with the feet.

    (This I always wanted to know)

    The muscle strongest of the body is the language.

    (Hmmmmmmmm…)

    Dexterous people live 9 years on average more than what the left-handed people.

    (And if the person will be ambidextrous)

    Elephants are the only animals that do not obtain to jump.

    (And it is better that it is thus)

    Piss of the cats shines when displayed to the black light.

    (And somebody was paid to discover this)

    The eye of an ostrich is bigger of what its brain.

    (I know people thus)

    Star-of - sea does not have brains.

    (I know people thus also)

    Polar bears are left-handed.

    (If they to start to use the other side, will live more)
    These are great Rosana, and your comments are priceless!!!

  10. #30
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Location
    Alabama
    Posts
    1,999

    Default New Supermarket

    The new supermarket near my house has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.

    When you approach the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and witness the scent of fresh hay.

    When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.

    The veggie department features the smell of fresh buttered corn.

    I don't buy toilet paper there any more.
    My Buddy's Are Crops2dawn, Sue, Eye, Eng, Smiley, Kimbob, PKDoll and Autistic Wonder

    Visit my Blog http://wordstodelite.blogspot.com/

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