Joke Of The Day!!!!!

[Granny]

A Florida senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80-mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left. "Amazing!" he thought as he flew down I-75, pushing the pedal to the metal even more.



Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw the highway patrol behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring.



"I can get away from him. No problem!" thought the elderly gent as he floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120 mph.



Suddenly, he thought, "What on earth am I doing? I'm too old for this nonsense!" So he pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the Trooper to catch up.



Pulling in behind him, the Trooper walked up to the driver's side of the Corvette, looked at his watch and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason why you were speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go." The man, looking very seriously at the Trooper, said, "Years ago, my wife ran off with a Florida State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."



"Have a good day, Sir," said the Trooper.

[jazzieal]

hehehehe good one granny

[jazzieal]

I can't believe Ive been doing this all wrong all these years...
See the attached picture..
We have to get the word out !!!!!

[*eng*]

I can't believe Ive been doing this all wrong all these years...
See the attached picture..
We have to get the word out !!!!!

So thats it! I'll definitely pass the message on

[Marion]

The United Way realized that it had never received a donation from the city's most successful lawyer. So a United Way volunteer paid the lawyer a visit in his lavish office.

The volunteer opened the meeting by saying, "Our research shows that even though your annual income is over two million dollars, you don't give a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give something back to your community through the United Way ?"

The lawyer thinks for a minute and says, "First, did your research also show you that my mother is dying after a long, painful illness and she has huge medical bills that are far beyond her ability to pay?"

Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbles, "Uh... no, I didn't know that."

"Secondly," says the lawyer, "my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair and is unable to support his wife and six children." The stricken United Way rep begins to stammer an apology, but is cut off again.

"Thirdly, did your research also show you that my sister's husband died in dreadful car accident, leaving her penniless with a mortgage and three children, one of whom is
disabled and another that has learning disabilities requiring a huge array of private tutors?"


The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, says, "I'm so sorry, I had no idea."

And the lawyer says, "So...if I didn't give any money to them, what makes you think I'd give any to you?"

[TerryW]

I really shouldn't be telling this joke - I feel a bit of a traitor to my own gender but it cracked me up.

Q. Why are 'blonde' jokes so short?
A. So men can understand them.

Terry.

[Marion]

I can't believe Ive been doing this all wrong all these years...
See the attached picture..
We have to get the word out !!!!!

What a great idea! will have to try that out!

[Marion]

I really shouldn't be telling this joke - I feel a bit of a traitor to my own gender but it cracked me up.

Q. Why are 'blonde' jokes so short?
A. So men can understand them.

Terry.

Don't feel bad Terry, it's common knowledge!

[makeyesup]

I can't believe Ive been doing this all wrong all these years...
See the attached picture..
We have to get the word out !!!!!

Thanks Jazz, think I'll mount mine on the ceiling. That way I can always be at zero weight - no gain, no loss, no diet, tons of goodies.

[Kazr]

Thanks all for the laughs


Older couple lying in bed
An older couple is lying in bed one morning, having just awakened from a good night's sleep. He takes her hand and she responds, "Don't touch me."
"Why not?" he asks.

She answers back, "Because I'm dead."

The husband says, "What are you talking about? We're both lying here in bed together and talking to one another."

She says, "No, I'm definitely dead."

He insists, "You're not dead. What in the world makes you think you're dead?"

"Because I woke up this morning and nothing hurts."



Husband and wife in bed together.

She feels his hand rubbing her shoulder.

She: "Oh, that feels good."
His hand moves to her breast.

She: "Gee, honey, that feels wonderful."
His hand moves to her leg.

She: "Oh, honey, don't stop."

But he stops.

She: "Why did you stop?"

He: "I found the remote."



That Darn Cat!
A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park. As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway. The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the beast out and headed home. Driving back up his driveway, there was the cat! He kept taking the cat further and further and the cat would always beat him home. At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and left the cat there.
Hours later the man calls home to his wife: "Jen, is the cat there?"

"Yes", the wife answers, "why do you ask?"

Frustrated, the man answered, "Put that son of a gun on the phone, I'm lost and need directions.


Adopted twins
A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother.
Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal.

Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."