making some very difficult decisions
I debated on if I should even post this or not. Another hard decision. I think the only reason I chose to was Michelle's Post just to show her things could be worse (I love ya Shell;)) On February 7th I took my son to school and had a heart attack on the way home. I was able to drive myself to the hospital although to this day I don't remember how. I was given Nitro pills and Paste and the pain went away but my breathing was real bad. I had x-rays and a CT. They found I have Pulmonary Emboli in my right lung. Long story short, it seems I have cancer that had caused clots to break off and get to my lungs. The cancer had spread into my Lymph nodes. I consider myself lucky because the clots will probably kill me before the cancer can. I have made most of my arrangements, the hardest being the ones involving the younger children. We have moved my oldest daughter back from NC to help me and my older sons will be arriving soon. I do not know how long I have. I asked not to know. I am ok and I have made my peace. I feel good some days and hard to breathe others but I have decided to live what is left of my life talking about a future and I wake up each day only asking for just one more. So Michelle, it can be worse. Live your life like there is no tomorrow. I pray for you each and every day and hope you get your kidneys. I know you will, good people like you deserve them.
I have been working on scrap books for the kids and I hope I can get them done but I am also writing journals for all the girls to read on special days in their lives. So much to do and time? Who knows. I want to be here in the fall when Emily starts pre-school. That is my last goal. I don't plan on leaving SBM until I can't sit at my computer anymore
My husband is having a hard time with this and we haven't explained the extent of my illness to the children. Hard to do when you have FaceBook and ppl asking you all the time so I lie :(. This is by no means Goodbye. Not yet. I will decide when I am ready!